dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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