After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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