if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize