Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
