Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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