I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
