After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
