hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
