I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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