the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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