Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize