A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
