In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
