he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
