If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
vagina is talking i cant
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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