and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
