cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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