I wanna bring you to show and tell
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
