I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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