so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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