uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
