It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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