Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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