He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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