I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize