please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
