my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
