I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize