Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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