It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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