Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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