ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize