Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
