once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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