your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i think i have two assholes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
