Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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