hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize