Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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