you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Text me some of your sweat
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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