mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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