He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
