I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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