I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
