Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize