your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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