My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
