i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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