Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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