i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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