I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
