i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
