When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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