And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
