Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
