He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
