this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You pole danced in your parka.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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