do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize