if only i could text you this smell
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
