i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
