we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
tell me about the fingering
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