They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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