Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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