I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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