So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
