the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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