I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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