Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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