I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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