i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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