i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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