Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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