It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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