Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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