i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
