If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
