i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
