i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
