I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize