Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
