so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
