so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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