i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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