She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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