It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
