spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
