dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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